Casey Stoutamire
Casey Stoutamire's Story
I Broke My Neck
I felt like a failure and betrayed by everyone, including God.
Story Tags
miracles, anger, injury, Sports, traumatic experience, relationships, family, doubt
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It all started at age 2; my parents put me in gymnastics and I was hooked for life. It was my life for 18 years and my dream was to compete in college for a Division I team.
Well, my dream came true. I was recruited by many different colleges and I chose to go to the United States Air Force Academy. While there, I was thriving; scoring better than most of the guys on the physical training and on the shooting range.
However, my life all changed in an instant when two days before Basic Training ended, I broke my neck.
I immediately lost feeling on my left side and the only things I was sure of was that I would never be able to do gymnastics again and that I would not be able to serve my country. As I was being discharged it was discovered that my injury was not a simple accident and that it could have been prevented. As a result, I had to make a statement to the legal office and tell them my horrowing story. Therefore, I received a medical discharge. My parents came to take me back home, which was the last place I wanted to be. I felt that I had let everyone down by not being able to "cut it" during Basic Training. In reality I had nothing to be ashamed of, but you try telling me that.
Now, I was back at home, dependent on parents now more than ever, and going through intensive physical therapy all while dealing with what had psychologically and physically happened to me. In addition I was angry at everyone and didn't want to be helped; I wanted to do it on my own. I felt like a failure and betrayed by everyone, including God. I couldn't understand why this was happening. I had prayed and prayed about the Academy and was sure that that was where God wanted me to be. I couldn't understand why He would send me there and then let this happen to me. I had trained my entire life for it and now it was all gone. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do now and God was number one on my "who to blame except myself" list.
At this point, I turned my back on God for a while. This was made easier by the fact that I couldn't do anything without help, including going to church and reading my Bible etc. However, this wasn't the worst of it. That part came when my doctor's told me I may never be fully "normal" again and they couldn't guarantee that I would ever walk again without some sort of assistance. I immediately went into a panic. What would happen if I never walked again? Would I have to depend on someone to help me for the rest of my life? Would I ever be normal? What was I supposed to do with my life now?
These questions brought me to my knees, literally. I re-dedicated my life to God at that instance and turned my recovery over to Him.
If I had dwelt on these things and not turned them over to God I honestly do not think I would have ever recovered and be where I am now. Now, I am a "normal" person again; I regained almost all of my feeling back and can live an independent life. In fact, I enrolled in college the Spring after my injury and am graduating early and, after much prayer and reflection, I am getting ready to enter Law School. I feel that the Lord is calling me to be a Christian witness in this controversial field and continue helping people, which is what I at first had set out to do.
I really saw God working in the situation when I regained almost all of my feeling in my left side about half way through physical therapy. This was not supposed to happen; the doctor's said it had to be a miracle. In addition, I was not supposed to be able to live a "normal" life. Now, I can do almost anything I want.
I also now realize that God wanted me out of the Air Force Academy for a reason. I now see He was protecting me in His own way from the horrors that I could have faced in the years to come while at the Academy.
Since my ordeal, I have continued my recovery, both spiritually and physically. I got involved in a great church at college. Also, about a year into college I felt that God was calling me to lead a Bible study and I am happy to say that I followed His calling and am now leading a great group of freshmen girls. I now know that I am where God wanted me and He is continuing to unveil His plan for me. Times have not always been easy, but becasue of my experience I feel that I am prepared to take on anything with God's help.